Dear Mr. Baraka,

We have received your numerous e-mails, letters and phone calls. After consulting with the state Democratic Party chair and with advisement of those in charge of your precinct voting, I believe we have an answer to your inquiries.

Unfortunately, we cannot, per your suggestion, change ballots to include a note that the candidate Barack Obama is not to be confused with you. There are many other names similar to “Barack Obama,” and to point them all out on a ballot would be unwieldy and confusing to voters.

Similarly, we cannot disqualify votes for Mr. Obama simply because you believe people may have been voting for you by mistake. We were unaware that you were campaigning for President of the United States, but our records show that you are neither eligible for such an elected position, nor have you filled the proper paperwork or collected the proper signatures to have been included in the list of candidates through the primaries.

As to the prank phone calls, unwelcome yard signage and mail you have been receiving, we are sorry that we cannot help, but if I may offer a few suggestions, here are some things you can try to avoid these cases of mistaken identity:

• Tell people very clearly that you are “Baraka,” and not “Barack Obama.” From the photos you have sent, I understand it may be difficult to enunciate this. Perhaps someone else could record it for you on a portable memo recorder you could carry around?
• Make it clear that you are were not born in the U.S., and are therefore not eligible to run for the office of President. While we have made great strides in our electoral process, I believe we still have a ways to go before the offspring of a Netherealm demon and a denizen of Outerworld is electable.
• Show them your blades. Barack Obama does not have blades coming out of his hands.

We appreciate the effort you have put into your suggestions for the general election and we thank you for your support of the Democratic Party. With respect, we ask that you let us take it from here. We also ask that you not kill us with your giant arm spikes.

Sincerely,

Rachel Burns
Director of Communications
State Democratic Party