Battle Arena Toshinden, Things to do While Waiting for Fights to Load in
- Fly a kite.
- Plant a tree in advance of Arbor Day.
- Go to a friend’s house to play Virtua Fighter.
- Trance out while listening to the PlayStation disc spin and spin and spin.
- Try to get turned on by Sofia’s jagged breasts.
- Investigate whether there are any retirement funds geared toward enterprising 11-year-olds.
- Ask Mom if she and Dad are ever going to get back together.
- Real-life fighting.
- Experiment with gateway drugs.
- Play “Doctor” with imaginary friends. Cry when it goes too far.
- Take a voyage of the imagination… by reading a book!
- Find out whether that old man down the street is a former Nazi in hiding; if so, blackmail him.
- Kill small animals. Document the process obsessively in hundreds of spiral notebooks.
- Try to make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich.
- Make out with the surprisingly accommodating babysitter.
- Invent exotic secret curse words like, “Assiopeeia.”
I thought this game would be so good at the time that I tried it.
How disappointed I was.
And I had lots of time to be disappointed.