Black Mesa, a weapons and technology contractor for the U.S. Government, is the nation’s second largest employer of scientists and engineers after NASA. Secrecy is a top priority for Black Mesa and so they have located their research lab in the remote New Mexico high desert. The facility extends at least five stories below the surface and most likely more. The immense size of Black Mesa means employees must use the company tram to deliver them from the employee dorms to their distant workstations, labs and offices. The following are lines redacted from previously published tram announcement scripts:

• Barney loves donuts.
• If you have any questions regarding pan-dimensionality please ask one of Black Mesa’s Dr. Whites, Dr. Blacks, or Dr. Beards. They will be happy to help you if they are not busy.
• If you injure yourself proceed to the nearest crowbar and open one of Black Mesa’s many creates to find yourself a medikit.
• Wear your ID badge at all times! No one’s anonymous material in Anomalous Materials.
• A reminder that the Black Mesa Annual Employee Egg Salad & Milk Picnic has been canceled again this year due to being in the middle of the desert.
• Attention high-security personnel: Shhhhhh!
• Do you have a friend or relative who would make a valuable addition to the Black Mesa team and is really good at not talking about aliens, space portals and horrible things that attach to heads? If so please contact human resources today.
• Have you seen that creepy dude in the suit? It’s not just you, he gives everyone the willies.
• Today’s cafeteria specials include creamed spinach and wadded beef.