It’s easy to come up with silly, made-up facts about videogames. Heck, some disreputable sites do it daily. But it would be tough to make up something as silly and as true as fast food chain Burger King’s 2006 foray into gaming, which included titles featuring its creepy-as-your-handsy-uncle mascot The King.

The games, made available on the cheap for the Xbox and Xbox 360 consoles with combo greasemeals, included a racing title, a bumper car game and… a stalking game. Seriously. In Sneak King, The King was a scary hiding guy who would pop out and try to get Sims-like characters to eat his cholesterol-raising wares. We still can’t believe it.

Nevertheless, in the fast food world, as in gaming, the last product you served up is but an already digested, smelly bit of refuse. It’s always time to look ahead and push the envelope — the greasy, translucent, shiny envelope — with new titles:

Ring King

Now working in the highest echelons of government, The King has been assigned to listen in on suspicious conversations via extensive wiretapping. When he hears a plot might be hatching, The King takes to his Whopper Mobile to deliver some tasty burgers, while listening to interesting travel stories on the way from his accomplice, Vincent. The delivered burgers never get eaten, though, because The King also brings hot, oily death with him. Does the government look like a bitch, Flock of Seagulls? Then why are you trying to fuck the government like a bitch? And you will know my name is The King when I let you have it your way! (Gunshots.)

Work King

You’re so busy working on your TPS reports that you barely notice the new guy over in the neighboring cubicle. Sure, he wears a crown and a strange, regal robe, but have you seen the shit that Eugene in Accounts Receivable wears? Things get a little awkward when the pervasive smell of French fries keeps you from being able to get any work done. While ducking out to get a breath of fresh air, you take the stairwell and The King is there. He backs you into a corner and talks softly about the B.K. Broiler while stroking your arm. Is it inappropriate or just weird? Should you report it to H.R.? Does The King’s breath always smell like pickles and Dr. Pepper? Morally ambiguous is the new black: experience it all in this Wii point and click adventure.

King Dome

The King is called back to his home kingdom, Burgstonia (formerly Burger King Kingdom), when a war with McDonaldland threatens the sovereignty of the land. What begins as a standard-issue real-time-strategy war game escalates when The King finds some of the McDonaldland officers spying in his castle. Hamburglar and Mayor McCheese (now Brigadeer General McCheese), among others, are interrogated using any means necessary. Mini-games include Hot Oil Boarding, Grillin’ for Answers and Sesame Seed Extraction. Players will find it’s a lot harder to cut off one of Grimace’s fingers than it sounds. It all ends with a climactic battle at the King Burger Dome, where marauding motorcycle gangs chant as The King and Ronald McDonald fight one last battle armed with only steel spatulas and cardboard fry containers.