In the original Nintendo version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, playing as Donatello was the obvious choice. Though he wasn’t the fastest turtle (ha, fastest TURTLE!) he had a long-ass bō (his lengthy wooden staff) that could reach above and below levels and kill enemies without him having to climb up and down pesky ladders. He also had the weapon which delivered the most damage.

But there were other reasons to play as Donatello that perhaps weren’t so obvious. Among them:

• Donatello’s a tech geek. In one of the later movies, he works in IT!
• Donatello is a long-legged mack daddy!
• Name can be shortened to the neat, simple, “Don.” Try that with Raphael.
• Among the “Heroes in a half-shell” he actually is well-endowed with a 3/4 shell.
• Totally brought pizza money to the party, plus tip!
• Obviously Master Splinter’s favorite, though he would never say so.
• Looks least foolish jumping down into those silly manholes.
• Swims like the dickens.
• If the two of you somehow ended up in a sexual situation, he wouldn’t let it get weird afterward.
• The purple of his bandana is for the bruises he will inflict upon evil.
• His staff knows what you did last summer. And the summer before that.
• Is not even TRYING to hit that with April.
• Does not act like a teenager. Or a mutant, for that matter.
• Has a winning smile and a positive attitude.
• Hit level 70 on World of Warcraft in just over a week, but didn’t go around bragging about it.
• Doesn’t just say he does yoga. He actually does yoga.
• Can heal minor wounds with his mutant spit if you let him spit on you.