Dear Earth Marine Asshole,

Maybe it was lost on you when you entered the hallway and started firing your chain gun at me, but until you embedded some bullets in my chest, I had no beef with you.

If you really want to know what I was doing, I was brushing my teeth when you strafed in, firing. Brushing takes me like 20 minutes. What did I ever do to you?

That dead body in the corner? Dude was there when I got here. I don’t know how that happened. I don’t even work in this department. I was going to the machines to get a bottled water.

What is with you guys? We don’t all look the same. Maybe you have a grudge against some Hellknight from downstairs, the ones that are always blasting their Nine Inch Nails and don’t ever file their expense reports on time, but I AM NOT THAT GUY. Do you discriminate against everyone who looks Chinese?

You didn’t even try to talk to me. You just ran in and shot me. What are you, the President? Maybe I could have helped you out. I know the area pretty well and could probably have helped you find the exit or a red key card, or whatever it is you were looking for when I was unlucky enough to run into you.

You know what? I’m done. I’ve tried to be nice to you Earth Marine cockknockers for too long and none of you seem interested in friendship, or even basic diplomacy. Just because I’m from Hell and I’m a Hellknight and I have big teeth is no reason to pop a bunch of caps in me. You’re not Rambo, you dick.

I wish you all would just go home. I really do.

Sincerely,
Hellknight
(but probably not the Hellknight you were intending to shoot)