E. Honda — world-renowned sumo wrestler and street fighter — is famous for his signature move, the rapid fire Hundred Hand Slap. Perfected over his years of training and professional fighting, the hundred hand slap takes incredible discipline and core strength. To keep his mind on the task, E. Honda keeps a mental list of what he wishes was at the business end of the famous slap fest. For the first time in print is that list:

1. Hitler
2. Britney Spears
3. Morris the Cat
4. Owner of noodle house across the street that gives him the creeps
5. Sagat
6. Retired Toronto Maple Leafs goaltender Mike Palmateer
7. Than Shwe
8. Saparmurat Niyazov
9. Ronald McDonald
10. Chingy
11. The robot from Phantom Menace that goes “roger roger”
12. Gandalf the White
13. Paris Hilton
14. Gandalf the Grey
15. Sherlock Holmes
16. Nero
17. M. Bison
18. Florida
19. Angel Fish
20. Girl Scouts
21. President Taft’s cotton belly
22. Shrek
23. Morgan Spurlock
24. The kid from that pie fucker movie
25. Genesis tour drummer Chester Thompson
26. Michael Faraday
27. Doublemint Twins
28. Afternoon shift Wal-Mart greeter from Yukon, Oklahoma
29. Snape
30. Jackie Chan
31. Pol Pot
32. Blanka
33. The actor from 24 who’s the Allstate guy now
34. Garfield
35. Berlin Wall
36. Grandma Honda
37. John Lennon
38. Ghandi
39. Seth Bullock
40. All the rabbits from Watership Down
41. Ryu
42. Ed Koch
43. Local school crossing guard who insists on making him wait at corner with school kids
44. Borat
45. Landlord
46. Cola-Cola polar bears
47. Buffalo Bills
48. The one from Backstreet Boys who never carried his weight
49. Cobra Commander after he lost his cool helmet
50. Pikachu
51. Ming the Merciless
52. Hannah Montana
53. Old Man River
54. Steve Buscemi
55. Hungarian Transportation Minister Csaba Kakosy
56. Betty Rubble
57. Oliver Cromwell
58. Doctor Who
59. Chun-Li
60. The Lone Ranger
61. Fresh Direct delivery boys
62. Microsoft Office paperclip
63. Sherpas
64. Lawsuit-happy bastard son F. Honda
65. Ziggurats
66. Robert Maplethorpe
67. Cute girl from Seattle’s Best Coffee who won’t go on a date
68. Apollo Creed
69. Donald Sutherland in his 40s
70. Blackbeard
71. Antonio Banderas
72. The $25,000 Pyramid
73. Delta Airlines pilot Duke Chisleton
74. Garden gnomes
75. Mariana Trench
76. Oreo dessert pizza
77. Dhalsim
78. Pope Pius X
79. Folk singer Joan Baez
80. Idi Amin
81. Ann Curry
82. Dane Cook
83. Old Rose from Titanic
84. Punk ass kid who egged his sauna
85. Gordon Ramsey
86. That pussy from Dirty Jobs
87. Ken
88. Charlie Manson
89. Cicero
90. Careless neighbour who leaves sprinkler on overnight
91. Larry Flint
92. Colonel Sanders
93. Dadaists
94. Elevator buttons
95. Moses
96. Emperor Constantine
97. Billy from Lost in Space
98. Rachael Ray
99. Cathy Lee Crosby
100. Suspiciously similar looking sumo wrestler with poor fashion sense make apparent by red trunks and blue face makeup