Second only to the Scopes Monkey Trial, the Colecovision game Evolution sparked international debate on the question of evolution versus creationism. Church figures and conservative pundits dismissed the game as pure poppycock and an affront to family values and honoured traditions. Summarized here are the arguments against Evolution’s six stages:

Amoeba

Mysterious single entities only divide into three, never just two.

Frog

Frogs are a figment of the overactive imagination.

Beaver

Beavers have never been properly documented and are commonly assumed to be pigs with donuts stuck to their tails.

Rodent

Rodents live much of their lives underground and should logically be classified as “unknowable” and exempt from the debate.

Gorilla

Although you can nail a good-sized gorilla to a cross they neither understand it as punishment or sacrifice therefore they have never existed.

Human

Humans are burdened with Original Sin and you should probably not trust them.