In 1985 Gauntlet was released in the arcades and instantly became a quarter-sucking smash hit thanks to its frantic gameplay and 4-player co-operative option. Each player picked from four available classes — the Warrior, the Elf, the Wizard, and the Valkyrie — and did battle with ghosts, demons, ogres and other dungeon dwellers while collecting treasure for points and food for health.

While players worked hard to beat the game, the busiest man in the Gauntlet business is the Disembodied Voice of Helpfulness who alerts players when they are low on health (”Valkyrie is about to die! Elf needs food, badly”). While players were plunking down quarters he was toiling away at Gauntlet HQ in Sunnyvale, California keeping tabs on all players in all the games in all the world.

Simon: Hey, it’s twelve o’clock. We’re going down to Rubio’s for some fish tacos. Do you want to come?

Voice: Simon is asking impossible questions!

Simon: Er, is that a “no”?

Voice: Co-worker is about to get it!

Simon: Look man, we are all pretty worried about you. You have been down here for months and we’ve never seen you eat or pee or get any sun.

(silence)

Voice: Actually, Voice needs fish tacos, badly!

Simon: See? That wasn’t so hard. Grab your jacket and let’s go.

Voice: Simon must bring food back!

Simon: Ugh, c’mon man. Just come.

Voice: Your lunch hour is running out!

Simon: Okay, I’ll bring you back something.

(holds out hand for money)

(silence)

Voice: You are full of money and/or goodwill!

He never had any help. He never trained a successor and some say he’s still in the basement of an old Sunnyvale complex keeping tabs on those few still venturing into the dungeons of Gauntlet.