Against all odds, Nintendo returned from its GameCube slump with a game console that everyone suddenly wanted: the Wii. But success is not always so clear: as of this writing, more than a year after its debut, the Wii remains in extremely short supply, ruining many a 2007 Christmas wish. With continued and sustained demand, it seems strange that Nintendo would fall so short of its production goals without a clear explanation as to how it could have happened.

Thanks to our spies in the Nintendo organization, we uncovered the shocking secret of the Wii shortages, as revealed in the transcript of this secretly recorded conversation, taken at a Nintendo manufacturing plant in Japan:

Plant Manager: Hey, Chan, how many sensor bars did you make today?

Chan: Uh, let me see… three?

Plant Manager: Three!? We’re supposed to send out 20,000 units by Friday!

Chan: The sensor bar takes time. It is a delicate instrument which must be in complete harmony with the console to which it belongs.

Plant Manager: It’s a piece of plastic with little LEDs in it and a cord attached! Hey, what are you doing?

Chan: Etching a unique friend code into the lower left corner of this sensor bar. Only the first few numerals have occurred to me, but I am sure the others will soon follow.

Plant Manager: Would you STOP that!? We have machines that can do that! If we even wanted them to! Which we don’t!

Chan: It is the Shinto way.

Plant Manager: Oh my God, if you weren’t my father, I would SO fire you. You’re really going to have to step it up here, old man.

Chan: Is your wife presently aware that we do not really work late hours, nor do we take special weekend corporate retreats twice monthly?

Plant Manager: … All right, look, hey… I’m going to put you down for five sensor bars. I need these by tomorrow. Hurry it up, will you?

Chan: You will have five sensor bars. And they will sing the song of light.

Plant Manager: Fine, cool. Whatever. I’ll see you at home. Now get back to work! (Exits.)

Chan: (To himself) Chan’s secret: Chan hates children.