“Oh, hey. What’s up? Long time no see.

“Nice of you to stop by. It’s only been… what… about a year? Since you took me out of your Nintendo DS and stuck me in your games drawer to play New Super Mario Bros.? About a year. Good thing I don’t need real water or brushing or a tennis ball to play with for that long, cold year I spent alone. Good thing for you.

“How have you been? What’s new?

“A dog? You got a real dog? How fascinating for you! How did that turn out?

“He died? Really? Long story about how it totally wasn’t your fault, it was an accident?

“How interesting. Could not have seen that coming.

“Tricks? No, I haven’t learned any tricks in the last year. I’ve been in a drawer.

“Not as fun as you remember? You gotta go play something else? Aw, hey, that’s cool. Don’t worry. I’ll still be here when you get lonely again. I’m not going anywhere. One last head rub before you go? Hey, thanks, man. Thanks a lot.

“See ya later!

“You fucking asshole.”