“Ahhh! What a lovely day to be roaming the vast underground tunnels! Oh look, there’s Fygar. What a nice guy he was to help me move the china hutch last weekend. There was no way I was getting that thing down the shaft, past the cherries, and into my flat without his help. Good guy. Good guy.

“I got to remember to send in the utility bill when I get home to my lovely wife and three adorable children. Oh, who’s this? Spiffy white suit there mister! Yep! This neighbourhood is going places!

“Oooo. I ate too much pasta at lunch, my stomach feels a bit bloated. Gotta watch portion size you know!

“Oh man, I am gassy. *burp* I should stop off at the store and get some Tums. *burp*

“Ow my tummy is so bloated! I guess I just need to cut down on all the Coca-Cola Zero I’ve been drinking. That stuff is so darn delicious but it’s like they say health comes first!

“OH MY GOD JESUS CHRIST MY STOMACH JUST EXPLODED! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! OH MY GOD THE PAIN!! VISCERA EVERYWHERE! I GOTTA SCOOP IT BACK IN. OMG OMG OMG MY WIFE, MY KIDS. GOTTA SURVIVE THIS! AAAAAHHHHHH. I STEPPED ON MY LIVER. WHY?! WHY GOD WHY!? IS THAT MY LUNG?! NOOOOO! NOOOOO. GETTING COLD. SO. Cold. Can’t feel my legs. Getting. Sleepy. So cold. I love you Wendy.

“Remember me.”