Whereas videogame play in general has long been associated with slack-jawed, zombie-like facial expressions attuned to some secret uglyfying communications frequency, a new generation of more physical games has ushered in an era of full-body movement and something like emotion on gamer pie-holes.

The Guitar Hero games and Rock Band, in particular, combine rockin’ tunes with make-believe instruments, a potent mix that then marinates within the gamer’s self-importance gland, creating simulated superstardom and engendering a loss of inhibitions.

This is especially true for the drummer playing Rock Band, who is too concerned with foot pedal movement, rhythmic beating of the plastic “skins” and keeping track of notes on the TV to have any muscle control above the neck. The physical result is often devastating facial expressions that can lead to real-world consequences, most notably involuntary celibacy and psychological damage that photos posted online may cause. Among the most dangerous facial expressions gamers may unwittingly perform:

White Man’s Burden

Not dissimilar to “White Man’s Overbite,” this adds a layer of angst to an already painful-looking underreach of the jaw. On songs like “Tom Sawyer” and “Wanted Dead or Alive,” the eyes convey a squintingly deep sense of understanding that beneath the thundering bass drum beats, there’s the story of a really soulful white dude who just wants to rock the crowd. And maybe get laid after the show.

The Hound Dog in Late August

Hard and Expert modes of songs like “Foreplay/Long Time” and some of the half-beats of “Learn to Fly” require an intense amount of concentration. The drummer may be staring at the notes on the screen so hard that they will lean forward, head drooped, eyes up, watching forlornly as their drum bar dips precipitously. Breathing is shallow and ragged. A drooling, hanging tongue may also be present.

Welcome to the Inappropriate Pleasuredome

Overeager eyes, a mouth curved into an “O” and a perceptible tremble may occur when a band’s drummer is feelin’ the music of “Paranoid” or “My Iron Lung” and the energy in the room so much that they are feelin’ it a little too much, and we think you know where we’re going with this. To paraphrase a movie we once saw, it’s OK to love Rock Band. It’s not OK to loooove Rock Band, you know? If bandmates have to see an expression on the drummer’s face previously only seen by persons unlucky enough to have slept with the drummer in real life or moms unlucky enough to have accidentally walked in on them at a tender moment in adolescence, then something in the band has gone very, very wrong. This may be the most dangerous face of all.