As hard as it is to believe in these Mario-rich times, Sega’s once-proud mascot, Sonic the Hedgehog, was once a legitimate rival in popularity to Mario the Plumber, nevermind the fact that Sonic never starred in a classic coin-op arcade game. In the early 90s, during the heyday of the Sega Genesis, schoolyard brawls sometimes broke out over which was better: Super Mario Bros. on NES or Sonic the Hedgehog on the Sega Genesis. Noses were bloodied. Underwears were wedgied. But as Sega and Nintendo entered the world of 3-D platforming, Mario continued his winning streak while Sonic the Hedgehog appeared in games that could only charitably be called, “Not dog excrement.” Rather than ratchet up the action to recapture the glory of old, Sega decided that Sonic fans wanted to raise tiny creatures called “Chaos” (pronounced “Whogivesashit”) and wander around aimlessly in 3-D with furry sidekicks of ambiguous sexuality. Sonic Adventure (it wasn’t) gave way to even less exciting games: Sonic Excursion, Sonic Goes to the Corner Store for Some Liquor, Sonic Gets an Advance on His Residuals at Money Box, Sonic Does Unspeakable Things for Money and Sonic Needs a New Kidney. The series never really recovered.